I was unusually irritable this week. I lost my temper a few times. My guess is it was that period of the month when my hormones go bonkers, or I was just plain crabby. On most days, I would be quickly appeased by Markus’s “There, there, Mom. Calm down, calm down.” This week, he didn’t even try.
When upset with my kids, I tend to repeat myself over and over. They often react with, “Okay, Mom” or “Mom, I heard you the first time” or “Yah, yah, yah” because I sound like a broken record, a remix, or extended version. Blah blah blah blah blah. If only they wouldn’t test my patience in the first place. I don’t enjoy nagging. Blah blah blah..
I have observed that I rant in two languages when addressing my kids. English, Tagalog. Tagalog, English. I can’t tell which one is easier. English requires less saliva but the more wordy Tagalog captures more of my thoughts. My younger kids can’t fully understand Tagalog; when upset, I can’t say everything in English. So I switch between the two languages back and forth, back and forth.
There are times when just at the peak of my emoting, I say a boo-boo like, “ACCIDENT HAPPEN!” What a spoiler! Everyone, including me, pretends to ignore it though everyone, including me, feels like saying it right a second time. I think that’s what Gabriel did when he quietly walked over to Markus and whispered something.
On another occasion this week, I snapped at Markus for wearing a jacket with nothing underneath and there was no time to go back to the house. Blah blah blah blah blah, I went again on the way to the supermarket. It’s so hot! Nobody’s wearing a jacket!... only to find out later that the air-conditioning inside the Superstore warranted an outerwear. I had to admit this boo-boo.
“You are right to wear that after all, Markus. I’m sorry…You are smart to wear a jacket.” Time to eat some humble pie.
Without excusing my outbursts, I still see some merit in expressing negative emotions and being real rather keeping everything inside. It’s even better to identify those feelings while they are happening. I’m upset, blah blah blah… I’m angry blah blah blah… Definitely better than numbing or flatlining in stressful situations.
Well, if my kids never see me in a bad mood, they will not appreciate the good.